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dream entry

Tom Green paired up with Christina Ricci to save the world from FedEx. Stolen packages were ferreted around by a super-secret FedEx project and any employees who objected were thrown into a giant paper shredder where they are loudly torn apart, screaming. Tom Green didn't receive his important package and gets pissed the fuck off, declaring all-out war. He goes to the Scandinavian imports shop where Christina Ricci works to buy some crap and gets cornered by FedEx henchmen. Her black hair is braided thick and she adds lice to each braid, claiming its to keep her hair straight but the lice give her special powers. The lice-infested braids whip around like tentacles, killing the FedEx workers. At some point, Tom Green develops a nuclear bomb and detonates it over the Secret FedEx Headquarters in downtown Chicago. As the explosion decimates Chicago Land, he squats behind a filing cabinet, plugging his ears and screaming at the top of his lungs "I WIN, FEDEX!" Christina Ricci pokes her head out behind a desk and is cut in half by the detonation. As the surviving half of her charred body flakes to the floor, it is regenerated by the lice braided in her hair. She pirouettes and my alarm goes off, the Decemberists shredding a brash accordion at 5:12 am